Lately I have been falling into the trap of comparison…which is not healthy. It’s so easy to compare yourself to those around you, especially when you feel belittled each and everyday:
– “You must be tired…” [after writing in a book for 10 minutes]
– “You can walk?”
– “You know how to cook…and clean?”
– “You’re going home to rest, right?”
Those comments might not seem like much, but when you hear them all-the-time, they start to get to you:
– Do I do as much as other people?
– Do I need to stay at the school all day, like the teachers?
– How do they think I spend my time?
– What do they actually think of me?
But I’ve realized, I am basically living three lives right now: school, America, and home. They are all connected, at least loosely, but they tend to be very separate.
Almost everyday I go to school. I have been helping write in the books for baby class; I’ve also been helping to organize some things in the office and working on the school side of things for a scholarship program that was started by a former World Racer that was here. In the late afternoon, I head back to school for Luganda lessons. While at the house, I need to work on some things for the school, thus I don’t stay at the school all day, every day.
What I call my “American” life is, basically, I’m an American living in Uganda, so my entire life isn’t here. My friends and family are important to me, so I want to stay in contact while I am gone. I also want to let people know what has been going on through my blog and such. But staying in contact with people, figuring out finances, working on bills, etc., are things I can’t do at school and I don’t want to do while spending time with my family here…thus the separation of my American life.
My home here, feels like home. I even have routines, like when I return from school, I exercise, usually with at least one of the kids, then all four of us do homework together; or when I say good night to everybody, Ronnie goes to my room with me, turns my light on, gives me my final hug of the night and tells me to, “have a good sleep.”
Being at the house is about these relationships, with the kids, Elizabeth, and the other people that live here. When I am with them, I don’t like to be shut-up in my room or on my computer. So things for the school and things for America have their time and place while I’m home.
It helped to realize that I am living three lives. I am trying to be more intentional with my time in some areas, knowing that it is important to try to find a balance. I don’t think there will ever be a perfect balance, but that’s ok.
I need to stop comparing myself to others. People around me might not understand, but I shouldn’t worry about what other people think about me. My three lives are my reality right now.