those non-plan plans

You know how sometimes you have a plan, even if you don’t have a plan?  Meaning, it’s not a really thought-through, worked out plan, but it’s just a rough idea in your mind of what “should happen.”
I think that’s where I was at when I returned to America from Uganda.

I felt like I was supposed to leave, but there was nothing lined up for me and I had no plans or ideas of what I was supposed to do once I got back to the land of America.
Somewhere in my mind though, even if I would never admit it, I thought I would only be in America for a short while, then leave again, perhaps even be moving back to Uganda.
But, that wasn’t happening.  Things weren’t going according to my “non-plan.”  And sometimes, that was really hard.  I would feel lost and like my life was in limbo.

All of this sounds pretty negative so far, but I don’t mean it to.  There were definitely some great parts about being back.
Being able to reconnect with friends and family in person; Skype is amazing but there is something to be said about interacting face-to-face.
I was able to take escape MI winter with one of my friends by taking a trip to CA for a couple of conferences, and while out there, see other friends.
Worked as a barista for a while, and I definitely enjoyed some of my conversations with the customers and my coworkers.

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with Lauren in CA

 

Then there are those unexpected parts of being back.  Those parts that are such a mix of emotions, where bittersweet is really the best way to describe it.
In October/November my parents sold their house and moved to Vermont, due to my dad getting a job transfer.  Despite at one point having had my own apartment, then traveling, and moving around the world, this had been my home, or “home base,” since I was in sixth grade.  In some ways it was really hard to be there for the moving process, and to have to go through so many memories and only save some.  But, at the same time I was really thankful for this opportunity for my parents and that I could be home for this change.

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last day with my pine tree, Alfred, I planted as a seed in a cup around 1993

 

Not only was this a change for my parents, but a change for me as well.  I had had been living with them since returning to America, but my friend and her husband graciously offered me a place to live with them.  There were so many questions and unknowns throughout.  Moving in and of itself was a change, but all that went with it was more of a change and more to process than I realized.

Last year at this time, if you would have told me I would still be in America in a year, I wouldn’t have been too thrilled about that.  That was not in my “non-plan.”
2014 may not have happened the way I thought it would, but I am thankful for all that happened and for where it took me.
2015 is shaping up to be an interesting year already – don’t you worry, I’ll fill you in soon on what some of that looks like:)

 

much love!

 

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One thought on “those non-plan plans

  1. Great picture of you and your pine tree. Thank you for the update. With God there are not dead ends, but detours.

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